Jan
1

Masters of Horror marathon tonight

Every other channel on the dial does a TV show marathon of some kind around New Year’s. Twilight Zone marathons seem to be the popular…even when the episodes get chopped to bits.

Showtime is doing one of its own, running the first eight installments of the 13-part Masters of Horror series.  Later, around March 2006, episodes will be released on DVD individually and in low-priced bundles.

So here am I, providing what could be called a public service, putting my two cents on the episodes to date.  If you have Showtime and feel like ringing out the year with a fright-fest, you’ll get a better idea of what to expect.  If you’re curious about the DVD’s or individual episodes, maybe I can help point out the ones you might want to spend your money on.  Ain’t I helpful?

“Incident On and Off A Mountain Road”
The series opener is a real gem courtesy of director Don Coscarelli (of Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep fame) and award-winning writer Joe R. Lansdale.  This is a bloody, disturbing tale about a woman lost in the woods and fighting for her life on several levels.  A great start.

“Dreams in the Witch-House”
Director Stuart Gordon brought in a new adaptation of a classic H.P. Lovecraft tale, something he has done several times in the past.  Like his earlier films Re-Animator and From Beyond, this installment bears little resemblance to the source.  Gordon skips the existential dread and delivers instead some gore with a side order of T & A…in other words, what he usually does.  The result is entertaining and predictable, just not compelling.

“Dance of the Dead”
Tobe Hooper, the man who brought you Poltergeist and the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, puts the series back on track.  Richard Christian Matheson adapted this post-apocalyptic rocker from his ingenious father‘s works.  This is a keeper, a sinuous creepshow which, I suspect, contains a parable about pimping flesh.  Not for the faint of heart.

“Jenifer”
Director Dario Argento of Suspiria fame helmed this sleeper to shore.  This ep is gory, surprisingly predictable story about a clueless cop and the female creature he rescues, brings into his home, and eventually regrets ever doing either.  I tried to like this one.  Never a good sign, is it?

“Chocolate”
Series creator Mick Garris adapted one of his own stories for this ep.  It’s intended as a sexy, eerie thriller about a man who experiences a beautiful woman’s life through her five senses.  Henry Thomas and Matt Frewer give it their all.  And yet the show falls flat.  Credit could be given to Mick Garris for adapting a basically internal story to the screen, but it lacked personality.  Matt Frewer’s supporting role had more definition than even the main characters.  And for such an intimate tale, that’s a mistake.

“Homecoming”
The series bounces back with an incisive political satire courtesy of director Joe Dante (Gremlins, The Howling) and screenwriter Sam Hamm (the 1989 Batman).  Soldiers killed in the war return undead and trigger controversy for the pro-Bush set.  In a brilliant fashion, this one turns the whole zombie idea on its head.  Some blood, but no gore to speak of.  Actually this is the most accessible to mainstream audiences.  But then what if you put on a satire and nobody came?

“Deer Woman”
Director John Landis (An American Werewolf in London) submits for our approval a moody, off-the-wall supernatural thriller featuring a down ‘n’ out cop and a series of impossible murders in a small town.   I still have issues with the director, so I didn’t expect to like this ep.  But it’s a deft mix of comedy, horror, and painful memories.  Landis works in references to his own work, verging on the edge of sheer corn, teetering on self-recrimination.  If the result isn’t gold, it’s at least a smoky gem.

“Cigarette Burns”
This is a Grand Guignol treasure directed by John Carpenter (Halloween), written by Scott Swan and Drew McWeeny (aka Moriarty of Ain’t It Cool News).  A broken-hearted movie expert is hired to find an obscure art film whose only public showing ended in bloody violence.  Horrifying.  Thought-provoking.  Easily, a high point in the series.  Not for the weak.

If you collect or rent the DVDs to come, I recommend:

  • “Incident On and Off A Mountain Road”
  • “Dance of the Dead”
  • “Homecoming”
  • “Deer Woman”
  • “Cigarette Burns”