Yup.\u00c2\u00a0 Back… in all sorts of ways.<\/p>\n
When we first found out that Lilith was sick, Jamie and I were too.\u00c2\u00a0 That crud that’s been going around ever since the year started?\u00c2\u00a0 It nailed Jamie in January, then me in February.\u00c2\u00a0 And somewhere in between, Lilith had lymphoma.\u00c2\u00a0 Coughing and post-nasal-dripping, we dragged her all over town, looking for a way to stop her pain.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 And a way to deal with ours.\u00c2\u00a0 To our disbelief, it seemed to work.<\/p>\n
We’ve spent the last few months chasing and wrestling with Lilith, dragging her out from under our futon, our closet, or the bed to wrap her up in a towel and ram pills down her throat.\u00c2\u00a0 The more effective the pills were, the harder it got.\u00c2\u00a0 That part, you already know.<\/p>\n
So it’s April now.\u00c2\u00a0 The crud, or something like it, hit us again like a freight train.\u00c2\u00a0 Jamie was down for days.\u00c2\u00a0 Once she got back up, it slammed my ass into the ground.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve had it for a week.\u00c2\u00a0 Exhausted.\u00c2\u00a0 Wheezing.\u00c2\u00a0 Rest and liquids, squeezing in scriptwriting duty while the energy comes to me in drips and drabs, have been my whole life for several days.<\/p>\n
And what happens while we’re so tired, so damn weary that we literally crash into bed?\u00c2\u00a0 Lilith is in trouble again.\u00c2\u00a0 The lymphoma is back, only now it’s… expanding the bridge of her nose.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Her eyes water.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Her nose oozes the same flesh-colored junk.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s back and it’s worse.<\/p>\n
We’re practically strapped to the wheel of pain, fer crissakes.\u00c2\u00a0 Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s too much drama.\u00c2\u00a0 But damn it, I’m tired.\u00c2\u00a0 The weariness goes down to the heartmeat core.\u00c2\u00a0 I knew her disease was going to return sooner or later, that it was going to win somehow.\u00c2\u00a0 But did it have to be like this… when we’re all running on fumes, feeling that we’ve been going around, tracing the same ouroborus path, back to the end and starting again, left to wonder what was the point?<\/p>\n
Strange thing, though.\u00c2\u00a0 When we were first confronting Lilith’s mortality, the knowledge torn us apart.\u00c2\u00a0 Jamie and I talked and talked, going over the same ground for days, uncertain about… everything.\u00c2\u00a0 We weren’t sure if we’d done enough or whether we’d done the right things.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Now, three months later, we already know the outcome.\u00c2\u00a0 Jamie might feel the pressure, I’m not sure.\u00c2\u00a0 But I certainly don’t.\u00c2\u00a0 I feel sad of late, but rock solid accepting.\u00c2\u00a0 We know what to do; and that there isn’t much else we can do.\u00c2\u00a0 We don’t have any doubts.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not sure whether we even have room for regret.<\/p>\n
Actually… I think we do.\u00c2\u00a0 We don’t want Lilith to go away.<\/p>\n
But she will.\u00c2\u00a0 We took the time to deal with that.\u00c2\u00a0 And now we deal with it again.<\/p>\n
Her time is almost up.\u00c2\u00a0 It’ll be soon.<\/p>\n
Maybe today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yup.\u00c2\u00a0 Back… in all sorts of ways. When we first found out that Lilith was sick, Jamie and I were too.\u00c2\u00a0 That crud that’s been going around ever since the year started?\u00c2\u00a0 It nailed Jamie in January, then me in February.\u00c2\u00a0 And somewhere in between, Lilith had lymphoma.\u00c2\u00a0 Coughing and post-nasal-dripping, we dragged her all […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,6,27],"tags":[84,35],"class_list":["post-281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-livejournal-postings","category-offtopic","category-personal","tag-lilith","tag-livejournal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=281"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":283,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/281\/revisions\/283"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=281"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=281"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=281"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}