I’m going to be all over the map.\u00c2\u00a0 Bear with me.\u00c2\u00a0 I need to get these thoughts and emotions out of my system.\u00c2\u00a0 Relax, this won’t be rant.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not in the mood right now, but nobody is.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe this’ll be a shellshocked tone poem or something.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t know.\u00c2\u00a0 I just need to put this stuff…somewhere.<\/p>\n
Neocons<\/u>
\nI try not to demonize people, but as I continue to track their distortions, insults, and out’n’out slander, they seem less and less human.\u00c2\u00a0 And so do their fans.<\/p>\n
I’m tracking this one neocon talk show host.\u00c2\u00a0 Thanks to a wonky CD burner, I spent the better part of yesterday scanning through 36 hours’ worth of right-wing paralogia and neocon hate speech to catch up on my work for Media Matters.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 I feel as if someone’s taken a lead pipe to my soul, man.\u00c2\u00a0 I haven’t felt so emotionally overwhelmed in a while.<\/p>\n
Between shrill diatribes against liberals, Europeans, and Muslims (who are all part of a conspiracy to take over the world apparently; I’ll bet you didn’t know that), grown women call up this one guy’s radio hate-fest to flirt with him and giggle like schoolgirls.\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes I flash on that one piece of newsreel footage of a glassy-eyed woman wearing a Jokerfish grin at a Nazi rally.\u00c2\u00a0 Power is sexy.\u00c2\u00a0 Oversimplication and unshaking certainty are sexy, I suppose.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe even blood is sexy, provided it’s on a sufficiently attractive pair of hands.<\/p>\n
To be fair, it’s not just neocons.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve seen dysfunctional support systems form up around popular people all the time, throughout the political spectrum.\u00c2\u00a0 Cults of personality just coagulate around the charismatic person in range, it seems.\u00c2\u00a0 And yet how often are the objects of such affection good people?\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Instant dime-store idolators:\u00c2\u00a0 Just add Dark Side points.<\/p>\n
God, how much of their souls have they surrendered to be so wretched and so proud of it?<\/p>\n
RPGs<\/u>
\nDoing so much work on role-playing games lately has brought back a feeling I try to avoid.\u00c2\u00a0 I get wistful, thinking back on those special moments that make those games unique, the sense of empowerment and awe that comes with participating–not just writing or witnessing–in adventures and worlds worthy of legend.\u00c2\u00a0 Die-hard gamers have war stories of derring-do, mirth, and wonder.\u00c2\u00a0 You get to invent your own myth.\u00c2\u00a0 That legendary one-liner just came from you and your friends, not Hollywood.\u00c2\u00a0 You get to be a hero, to test your wits and abilities, to transcend reality a bit and bond with your buds over pizza at the same time.<\/p>\n
I haven’t been able to do that in a long time.\u00c2\u00a0 Jamie and I have been busy.\u00c2\u00a0 Even if we weren’t, the only people we know around here clearly aren’t interested in the kind of stuff I want to do.\u00c2\u00a0 They might try a game if they can meet Qui-Gonn or Data.\u00c2\u00a0 But that’s it.\u00c2\u00a0 No desire to explore a new world, meet mythical beings, or show that we have in ourselves to be just as magical.<\/p>\n
It’s a sad world when even dreams become the property of the corporate sector.<\/p>\n
Trekdom<\/u>
\nSpeaking of which, I’ve been getting curious about “Enteprise” lately.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Anticipating the season-opener, I started catching up on past eps.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s just modern Trek again, isn’t it?\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t go in expecting Theodore Sturgeon or anything, but it’s all formula.\u00c2\u00a0 “Cue the interrogation scene.\u00c2\u00a0 Okay, Big-Bad, gloat at your prisoner.\u00c2\u00a0 Good.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Cue the hero.\u00c2\u00a0 Spit in the interrogator’s face in five, four, three, two…good!\u00c2\u00a0 Cut to camera two.”<\/p>\n
I might watch, but I’m at a disadvantage from the start.\u00c2\u00a0 So far I can see every punch before someone throws it.\u00c2\u00a0 I suppose this is when someone yells at me for not turning my brain off before the movie starts.\u00c2\u00a0 I keep getting wake-up calls and apparently it’s disturbing everyone else’s viewing experience.<\/p>\n
Depression<\/u>
\nI’ve been painfully aware of its presence in my life again, probably from the sheer psychic assault of all the neocon screaming heads.\u00c2\u00a0 Circumstances haven’t been the easiest either, but to complain or vent about it only invites mockery.\u00c2\u00a0 Didn’t I know that life was supposed to be so grueling or miserable?<\/p>\n
Anger seems to be my first defense against it.\u00c2\u00a0 That only makes sense.\u00c2\u00a0 More often than not, depression is what happens when you sit on your emotions for too long.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s why it’s so exhausting.\u00c2\u00a0 You had to cut off those power sources, stifling parts of yourself.\u00c2\u00a0 And anger is a defense mechanism.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s sadness with a sword and shield.\u00c2\u00a0 And let’s face it.\u00c2\u00a0 Anger is more respectable than sadness.<\/p>\n
(Is there any wonder we glorify violence?\u00c2\u00a0 “Hey, Governator, what are the best things in life?”\u00c2\u00a0 “Kicking girly-men arse.”)<\/p>\n
It’s not easy to go out into the outside world, but it’s the only way to feel the wind or the sun on your face.\u00c2\u00a0 That sounds lame especially here in the land of liquid sunshine.\u00c2\u00a0 I can’t avoid the truth of it though.<\/p>\n
I was reminded of that when I gave a neighbor a misaddressed package meant for them.\u00c2\u00a0 Nice guy, nice lady.\u00c2\u00a0 Everyone there shook my hand and thanked me.\u00c2\u00a0 Even their one-year-old son.\u00c2\u00a0 When he shook my hand, his hand barely made it around my forefinger.\u00c2\u00a0 He even had a Spider-Man shirt on.\u00c2\u00a0 Always a good sign.<\/p>\n
I don’t have the time or energy I’d like right now, otherwise I’d be able to do the rounds, say hi to everyone, help people with their writing (always important, if you ask me) and perk a few folks up wherever I can.\u00c2\u00a0 I just get worn down sometimes.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 I wish I had more time.<\/p>\n
Not to mention a speeder bike.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m going to be all over the map.\u00c2\u00a0 Bear with me.\u00c2\u00a0 I need to get these thoughts and emotions out of my system.\u00c2\u00a0 Relax, this won’t be rant.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not in the mood right now, but nobody is.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe this’ll be a shellshocked tone poem or something.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t know.\u00c2\u00a0 I just need to put […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,6,27],"tags":[49,35,46,47,48],"class_list":["post-189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-livejournal-postings","category-offtopic","category-personal","tag-depression","tag-livejournal","tag-neocons","tag-rpgs","tag-trek"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=189"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":198,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189\/revisions\/198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}