Just got back from \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcSalem\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Lot.\u00c2\u00a0 Man, does my neck hurt.<\/p>\n
Tons of fans, of the horror genre or of Stephen King in particular, have been chomping at the bit about TNT\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s remake of \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcSalem\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Lot<\/i><\/a>.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not trying to be punny, honestly.\u00c2\u00a0 Controversy has been buzzing around this thing for some time, ever since Tobe Hooper directed the original mini-series<\/a> in 1979.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like the book.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The opening was stupid.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153They did Barlow wrong!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153David Soul sucks!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wanna blankie!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Waaaaah!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Yeah, kinda cold of me.\u00c2\u00a0 Sorry.\u00c2\u00a0 My sympathy for fundamentalists or literalists is a little low.<\/p>\n Here\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why.\u00c2\u00a0 Books ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t movies, movies ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t books, and parts ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t parts, no matter what people tell you.\u00c2\u00a0 Literature and cinema are fundamentally different media, each putting their own special demands on artist and audience alike.\u00c2\u00a0 They each have their own merits.\u00c2\u00a0 You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just dump filet mignon into a blender and call it the perfect milkshake.\u00c2\u00a0 When a book is adapted to film or vice versa, you have to cut the results some slack.\u00c2\u00a0 Expect change.\u00c2\u00a0 Otherwise you get junk.<\/p>\n I subjected you to that\u00c2\u00a0 li\u00e2\u20ac\u2122l lecture, true believers, only to make clear where I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m coming from.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m familiar with the book and the \u00e2\u20ac\u02dc79 mini-series, but not loyal.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go in with a lot of expectations.\u00c2\u00a0 Just one.\u00c2\u00a0 I wanted it to be good.<\/p>\n Folks have asked what I think of the TNT remake.\u00c2\u00a0 Here I am telling you.<\/p>\n The first half was fantastic.\u00c2\u00a0 It boiled down the best qualities of the original book, right down to the opening narration.\u00c2\u00a0 Scriptwriter Peter Ficardi<\/a> should be commended.\u00c2\u00a0 The teaser is the only major deviation from the source\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand a good one\u00e2\u20ac\u201destablishing crisis and drawing us in from the start.\u00c2\u00a0 When we hit the titular town, taking in quick character sketches of the people and the place, it’s like a funeral pall laid out before us.\u00c2\u00a0 We’re told at the opening, “This town knows darkness.”\u00c2\u00a0 And it’s easy to believe.<\/p>\n My hopes were up. It was promising good things.\u00c2\u00a0 There was some atmosphere, a few genuine efforts to hit a little too close to home.\u00c2\u00a0 This wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a safe, orderly little world where a great eeeevil colors outside the lines.<\/p>\n It was really cooking until the second half.\u00c2\u00a0 It kept falling short of greatness.\u00c2\u00a0 Suddenly we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re stiffed with Hollywoodisms:\u00c2\u00a0 token Scully moments, the undead on the march, out-of-character one-liners, sudden orchestra hits and high-speed smash-edits.\u00c2\u00a0 Cheap shocks.\u00c2\u00a0 Carnival tricks.\u00c2\u00a0 And just when we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re handed a perfect ending for this horror flick, a lame-ass heavy metal cover of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Paint It Black\u00e2\u20ac\u009d intrudes on it.<\/p>\n Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ruin the tone, idiots!\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 Consistency may be the hobgoblin of little minds<\/a>, but it’s not wishy-washy either.<\/p>\n Stupid.\u00c2\u00a0 Keep it simple<\/a>, stupid.<\/p>\n