{"id":154,"date":"2014-07-14T21:56:43","date_gmt":"2014-07-15T04:56:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/?p=154"},"modified":"2014-07-14T21:56:43","modified_gmt":"2014-07-15T04:56:43","slug":"stop-whining-start-running","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/?p=154","title":{"rendered":"Stop Whining, Start Running"},"content":{"rendered":"

So what happened to Afterhell<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Did anyone notice that we were gone?\u00c2\u00a0 Or that we were ever here?<\/p>\n

Yeah, that’s right.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m feeling defensive about the whole thing.<\/p>\n

I’ve been putting off this post, figuring that it would be hard to explain the long absence to an invisible audience.\u00c2\u00a0 I know three people are out in the ether, following all this.\u00c2\u00a0 And they already know most of the details.<\/p>\n

But I’m also aware of the trolls, griefers, and spammers out there.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 You know, the ones with the knives out.\u00c2\u00a0 And beyond them lies a vast, cold indifference.<\/p>\n

So is there a point in saying anything?\u00c2\u00a0 I wondered.\u00c2\u00a0 For a long time.<\/p>\n

I took too long.\u00c2\u00a0 I know that.\u00c2\u00a0 So yeah.\u00c2\u00a0 Feeling defensive.\u00c2\u00a0 And embarrassed.\u00c2\u00a0 Bitter.\u00c2\u00a0 Feeling lost at sea.\u00c2\u00a0 Most of all, I feel like walking wounded.<\/p>\n

Bear with me.\u00c2\u00a0 If you want me to answer the question of “where were we,” keep reading.\u00c2\u00a0 Follow the white rabbit.<\/p>\n

Short version:\u00c2\u00a0 Ollin Productions has been a troubled house.\u00c2\u00a0 We suffered many personal losses, a few professional ones, and it fell hard.\u00c2\u00a0 Now we’re doubling our efforts.<\/p>\n

Shorter rude version:\u00c2\u00a0 Fuckyou youdontknowwhatIvebeenthrough wherethehellwereyouwhenallthisshitwasgoingon<\/p>\n

Sorry, I had to get out of my system.\u00c2\u00a0 Let’s do the long version.<\/p>\n

A lot of things went wrong.\u00c2\u00a0 Not everything.\u00c2\u00a0 Just a lot.<\/p>\n

For Ollin Productions.\u00c2\u00a0 For Afterhell<\/em>.\u00c2\u00a0 For me and Jamie.\u00c2\u00a0 In the end, they all mean the same thing.<\/p>\n

Or so I thought.\u00c2\u00a0 That was the first problem.\u00c2\u00a0 The big one.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ll save that for the end.<\/p>\n

The perfect storm for us was death.\u00c2\u00a0 Not the boogeyman we flirt with in horror fiction.\u00c2\u00a0 Every few months, for four fucking years, death ran through our extended family like a wave.<\/p>\n

First it was my father.\u00c2\u00a0 Four of my aunts.\u00c2\u00a0 My cousin.\u00c2\u00a0 Over six weeks, all of our cats died.\u00c2\u00a0 A dead cat every two weeks, like some twisted subscription service.\u00c2\u00a0 Then Jamie’s uncle.\u00c2\u00a0 To say nothing about all the heroes, icons, and inspirational figures — but those fine people didn’t tuck us in or hug us by the shoulder while saying, “Welcome to the family.”\u00c2\u00a0 They were background radiation compared to all this.<\/p>\n

After months and months of shellshock and grey days regardless of the sun, Jamie and I were left empty.\u00c2\u00a0 We knew.\u00c2\u00a0 We’d suffer loss before.\u00c2\u00a0 But this felt like war.\u00c2\u00a0 We were losing.\u00c2\u00a0 And we were trying so hard not to surrender — to find a deep enough bottle and never come out.<\/p>\n

Seriously, Death.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve long suspected you were beautiful and well-meaning even before Neil Gaiman stuck his fine nose in.\u00c2\u00a0 But seriously, Death, fuck you.<\/p>\n

Christ, I’m still crying.<\/p>\n

And considering how many times\u00c2\u00a0Afterhell<\/em> had been written off, dismissed, publicly mocked, literally thrown back in my face…\u00c2\u00a0 honestly, would you have bothered to keep it going?<\/p>\n

Even for a shoestring production,\u00c2\u00a0Afterhell<\/em> is an intimate process.\u00c2\u00a0 Friends were brought together and separated by personal concerns, not market forces.\u00c2\u00a0 There was no business plan.\u00c2\u00a0 No concern about mainstream radio or podcasting (which was bleeding edge tech at the time.)\u00c2\u00a0 And no awareness of online communities that might like us, shag us, or throw us over a cliff.<\/p>\n

We found out later that most of them would do all three.<\/p>\n

Old Time Radio groups glommed onto us, only to disavow us because our horror wasn’t corny and our sound was too digital.<\/p>\n

The Horror Writers Association dismissed us out of hand because our work is self-produced and uncommissioned.\u00c2\u00a0 Self-published horror comics are okay, but fuck audio.<\/p>\n

Audiodrama discussion groups romanced us like codependent partners from hell, openly courting us and avowing their undying friendship, then squelching any difference of opinion.\u00c2\u00a0 Quantity over quality and mutual admiration societies.\u00c2\u00a0 Otherwise?\u00c2\u00a0 Yerrrr out.<\/p>\n

Real audiodramatists, professional artists instead of fanfic writers, embraced us until they realized our content wasn’t family friendly or sufficiently highbrow.\u00c2\u00a0 “You’re a great writer, but sorry, Afterhell is out.”\u00c2\u00a0 BOOT.<\/p>\n

And I won’t even get into radio programming directors.<\/p>\n

I once called horror audio fiction the crazy aunt locked in the basement.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s how Afterhell is treated.\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes it sucks to be right.<\/p>\n

So I really didn’t think anyone would notice whether we’d gone away.<\/p>\n

I don’t say this to rationalize our non-existent turnout.\u00c2\u00a0 We haven’t produced new episodes in years.\u00c2\u00a0 Or blogged.\u00c2\u00a0 Or tweaked code.\u00c2\u00a0 Hell, I’ve gone months without looking at the damn site.<\/p>\n

Remember the worst part?\u00c2\u00a0 Here it is.\u00c2\u00a0 The clincher.\u00c2\u00a0 The nail in the coffin.<\/p>\n

I was the only member of Ollin Productions who wanted\u00c2\u00a0Afterhell<\/em> to happen.\u00c2\u00a0 Jamie was done with it.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t just the grief.\u00c2\u00a0 Jamie was never really into it.\u00c2\u00a0 She gets vampires (old school vamps, none of that Twilight<\/em> crap) and Lovecraftian horror to some extent.\u00c2\u00a0 Between the extreme content and the public disapproval, she walked away from Afterhell<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Before someone gets mad at her, let me tell you something.\u00c2\u00a0 I was on the verge of doing the same.<\/p>\n

But I’m getting so damn tired of crappy horror.\u00c2\u00a0 Sturgeon’s Law probably applies.\u00c2\u00a0 It usually does.\u00c2\u00a0 But instead of demanding better, horror fans embrace the crap.<\/p>\n

No, I mean it.\u00c2\u00a0 We applaud the gore and the cheese.\u00c2\u00a0 We’re making deliberately shitty meals out of all the gore and cheese.\u00c2\u00a0 Not tolerating lackluster production values for the sake of a fun story.\u00c2\u00a0 Just eating the shit sandwich.<\/p>\n

Zombie stories are everywhere.\u00c2\u00a0 A dime a dozen.\u00c2\u00a0 Ripping off Max Brooks or George Romero doesn’t cut it.\u00c2\u00a0 Stupid people doing stupid things for the sake of the plot is stupid.\u00c2\u00a0 And vampires are worse.\u00c2\u00a0 Whether it sparkles or splatters, the characters and the story they’re have to be interesting, people.<\/p>\n

And making them interesting takes a lot more effort than it seems.\u00c2\u00a0 And fewer creators are making the effort.<\/p>\n

Look at The Strain<\/em>.\u00c2\u00a0 Or better yet, don’t.<\/p>\n

Instead, just read it.\u00c2\u00a0 You’ll find intriguing, sympathetic people in a crisis.\u00c2\u00a0 The absentee father who chases plagues.\u00c2\u00a0 The married couple, lonely and growing apart while passion still gnaws at them.\u00c2\u00a0 The grieving vampire hunter, haunted by the depths of true evil.<\/p>\n

Watch the premiere episode and you’ll get bored.\u00c2\u00a0 And irritated.\u00c2\u00a0 It feels like some droning lecture masquerading as a puppet show.\u00c2\u00a0 Stuff happens and there’s no one to care about.\u00c2\u00a0 Only divas and dimwits.<\/p>\n

Where’s the likeable, driven scientist?\u00c2\u00a0 We get a pushy, self-important jerk who kisses and pats his son like a puppy.\u00c2\u00a0 There’s a vamp hunter and he’s kind of tragic.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s sharp enough to scare the crap out of a hardcore thug, but not smart enough to keep his fucking cashbox out of reach.\u00c2\u00a0 And of course, the archetypal dying rich guy pulling all the strings.<\/p>\n

This isn’t a horror story.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s a one-stop cliche superstore.\u00c2\u00a0 The grieving parent who lashes out at the hero.\u00c2\u00a0 The lab tech that touches scary shit with his bare fucking hands.<\/p>\n

But surely, this is a horror story!\u00c2\u00a0 There’s blood and goo and dissected people.\u00c2\u00a0 Little worms that poke through people’s eyes.\u00c2\u00a0 Yea, verily, an ample opportunity for gross-out.\u00c2\u00a0 And spooky stuff.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh, such spooky I shall give thee.\u00c2\u00a0 Nay, I reject thy claim of compact comestible shite–<\/p>\n

Look, I don’t care.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe I’ve gotten old or more jaded by life.\u00c2\u00a0 But I was never impressed by gore.\u00c2\u00a0 Part of my problem is that I’ve already read the book, so I know the gross-outs are coming.<\/p>\n

But everyone’s expecting the gross-out.\u00c2\u00a0 The promo art.\u00c2\u00a0 The worm in the eye.\u00c2\u00a0 Everybody knows it’s coming.\u00c2\u00a0 So that couldn’t be the only attraction for the audience.\u00c2\u00a0 Can it?<\/p>\n

Judging from all the tweets and reviews… yup.\u00c2\u00a0 Only one negative review so far.\u00c2\u00a0 And I usually hate that guy.<\/p>\n

We’re talking about Guillermo del Toro, I know.\u00c2\u00a0 I get that.\u00c2\u00a0 Boy, do I get that.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve been a fan of his movies for years.\u00c2\u00a0 He makes movies I wish I had made.\u00c2\u00a0 He lingers on shadows and turns them into magical worlds.<\/p>\n

So watching The Strain<\/em> on FX was really, really depressing.\u00c2\u00a0 I know pilot eps usually suck, compared to the whole series.\u00c2\u00a0 But Cthulhu on a crutch, our<\/em> pilot ep was better!\u00c2\u00a0 And we were learning! We were struggling, praying that we were doing something right.<\/p>\n

Guillermo, you let me down, man.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m disappointed.\u00c2\u00a0 Utterly furious.<\/p>\n

And then I see some more horror news come down the pike.\u00c2\u00a0 Chris Carter is producing a post-apocalyptic show called…<\/p>\n

The After<\/em>?<\/p>\n

The After<\/strong><\/em>?!<\/p>\n

A violent, unpredictable world called THE AFTER<\/em>?!<\/p>\n

Did someone declare war on me?\u00c2\u00a0 Ugh, just walk away.\u00c2\u00a0 Find a dumpster and do penalty throws.\u00c2\u00a0 No more struggling.\u00c2\u00a0 No more nightmare wrangling.<\/p>\n

No.\u00c2\u00a0 I was here first.\u00c2\u00a0 Not my friends.\u00c2\u00a0 Not the fans.\u00c2\u00a0 Not my allies.\u00c2\u00a0 Just me.<\/p>\n

I was alone with my nightmares.\u00c2\u00a0 I saw things.\u00c2\u00a0 People.\u00c2\u00a0 Things they did.\u00c2\u00a0 They appeared in my dreams and mutated.\u00c2\u00a0 Every time I fell asleep, I had nightmares that I still can’t talk about.\u00c2\u00a0 They tore at my waking hours.\u00c2\u00a0 Kept me from sleeping for weeks.<\/p>\n

Weeks.\u00c2\u00a0 Days and days of being afraid of your own head, of the crap inside it, terrified of closing your eyes.<\/p>\n

Do you know what that’s like?\u00c2\u00a0 Fuck Nightmare on Elm Street<\/em> and that pervy boogeyman bullshit.\u00c2\u00a0 Do you<\/em> know?<\/p>\n

One day I started writing them down.\u00c2\u00a0 And I was so tired.\u00c2\u00a0 Enough to fall asleep.\u00c2\u00a0 And the nightmares stopped.\u00c2\u00a0 They were on paper, given a place to live, so they let me go.<\/p>\n

I went through it.\u00c2\u00a0 I lived it.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m still here.<\/p>\n

And nobody.\u00c2\u00a0 Fucking.\u00c2\u00a0 Helped.<\/p>\n

Despite my reputation, I try not to complain.\u00c2\u00a0 I do anyway.\u00c2\u00a0 But only because I’ve had enough.\u00c2\u00a0 The meter reads full and I have to let it out sometimes.<\/p>\n

So I don’t like to share my troubles.\u00c2\u00a0 Big or small.\u00c2\u00a0 Heartbreaking or stupid shit.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t know.\u00c2\u00a0 I just assume everyone has something better to do.<\/p>\n

But now I’m telling you.\u00c2\u00a0 This is why.<\/p>\n

Afterhell<\/em> disappeared for a while.\u00c2\u00a0 Whatever the reasons, I just stopped doing it.<\/p>\n

And now it’s time.\u00c2\u00a0 Put up or shut up.<\/p>\n

Afterhell<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0delivers to live.\u00c2\u00a0 There is ample evidence of a need, regardless of whether the need is mine or that of others.\u00c2\u00a0 But if you’re smart, you’ll keep up.<\/p>\n

I’m going to do my best to give you the best nightmares you’ve ever had.<\/p>\n

Start running.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So what happened to Afterhell? Did anyone notice that we were gone?\u00c2\u00a0 Or that we were ever here? Yeah, that’s right.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m feeling defensive about the whole thing. I’ve been putting off this post, figuring that it would be hard to explain the long absence to an invisible audience.\u00c2\u00a0 I know three people are out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,7],"tags":[23,29,28,12],"class_list":["post-154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-offtopic","category-production-notes","tag-series","tag-tv","tag-vampire","tag-zombie"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=154"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":157,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154\/revisions\/157"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.afterhell.com\/news\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}